I Don't Know Either. Learn How to Find Out.

Sometimes someone asks me a question and I feel frustrated.

The honest answer is that I do not know either.

That is exactly what frustrates me. If it is obvious that I do not already have the answer, why has the problem simply been passed to me? Why not try to find out?

I have a natural tendency not to ask other people for answers I can investigate myself. I especially do not rely on someone for an answer when I am well aware that the person is looking at the same uncertainty I am.

I cannot say exactly where this instinct came from.

It may have been strengthened by problem-based learning during my days at Temasek Polytechnic. It may also have come from my years in entrepreneurship, when many problems did not arrive with a teacher, a manual, or a person who already knew the solution.

For a long time, I assumed other people would approach uncertainty in the same way.

I have realised that this attitude does not come naturally to everyone.

I have also realised that telling someone to “go and figure it out” does not teach them how.

Not knowing is the beginning of the work

There is nothing wrong with not knowing an answer.

Many of the problems worth solving do not begin with a known answer. If the answer were already clear, the work would be execution. The difficult part is often deciding what the real question is, where useful evidence might exist, and how to reduce uncertainty without waiting for someone else to remove it.

The habit I value is not knowing more than everyone else.

It is refusing to treat “I don't know” as the end of my responsibility.

Some questions can be answered by looking at documentation, data, previous work, or the result of a small test. Some require context held by another person. Some are not factual questions at all. They are decisions that someone needs to own.

Before asking for an answer, I need to know which kind of problem I am facing.

Asking can become a transfer of responsibility

A question can be a genuine attempt to learn.

It can also be a way of transferring uncertainty.

If I ask, “What should I do?” before I have defined the problem, examined any evidence, or considered an option, I am not only asking for knowledge. I am asking the other person to perform the thinking and carry the decision.

That may solve the immediate task, but it does not build my ability to solve the next one.

This becomes a pattern in teams. The person who is known for having answers receives more unfinished questions. Other people become accustomed to waiting. The capable person becomes overloaded and increasingly frustrated, while the rest of the team gets fewer opportunities to practise judgement.

The problem is not that people ask for help.

The problem is that the help begins too early and replaces the part of the work that would have created learning.

A thought process for finding an answer

What feels instinctive to one person has to become visible before another person can practise it.

This is the thought process I would propose.

1. Define the decision

Do not begin with a broad topic such as “this is not working.”

Ask what actually needs to be understood or decided. What result are we trying to produce? What is happening instead? What would a useful answer allow us to do next?

A clear question reduces the search area.

2. Separate facts, assumptions, and unknowns

Write down what is directly observable, what you currently believe, and what remains uncertain.

This prevents an assumption from quietly becoming the foundation of the whole investigation. It also shows which missing information could genuinely change the answer.

3. Find the closest source of evidence

Look for evidence as close to the problem as possible.

That may be data, documentation, the actual user experience, previous decisions, system behaviour, or the person who owns a specific piece of context. The goal is not to search everywhere. It is to identify which source has the best chance of reducing the important uncertainty.

4. Form a working answer

Do not wait for perfect certainty before developing a view.

Based on the available evidence, what do you currently think is happening? Which explanation fits best? What action would follow if that explanation were true?

As I wrote in why I never want to assume I am right, a working answer can be clear enough to guide action while remaining open to correction.

5. Run the smallest safe test

Find the quickest reversible action that can challenge the working answer.

The purpose of a test is not to prove that your first idea was clever. It is to discover where it is incomplete. A small test can turn a debate into evidence and expose the next question.

6. Ask for the specific thing that remains

After investigating, the question usually becomes smaller and better.

Instead of asking, “What should I do?”, you can say:

I checked these sources. This is what I found. My current explanation is this. I tested this part and observed this result. I now need this context, access, validation, or decision.

That question is easier to answer because the thinking is visible. It also keeps ownership with the person doing the work.

Knowing when to investigate and when to ask

Independence does not mean refusing to ask for help.

There are situations where asking early is the responsible choice. Some decisions have serious consequences. Some require permission. Some depend on context that only another person has. Some experiments should not be run casually.

The dividing line is not pride.

It is whether independent investigation can create useful progress without hiding risk, authority, or consequences that belong to someone else.

Leaders have to teach the process, not only demand independence

My frustration sometimes makes the expected behaviour feel obvious.

It is obvious to me because I have repeated it for years. That does not make it visible to someone who has not developed the same habit.

If I want people to become more independent, I cannot answer every question for them. But I also cannot simply withhold help and call that development.

The better response is to coach the discovery process:

• What are you trying to decide?
• What do you know for certain?
• What have you checked?
• What is your current explanation?
• What options have you considered?
• What do you need from me specifically?

This connects to the difficult managerial work of letting go. A leader does not build ownership by keeping every answer. A leader builds ownership by helping other people develop enough context and judgement to reach strong answers themselves.

The objective is not to make people struggle alone.

It is to make sure help creates capability rather than dependence.

Bring the problem closer to an answer

I do not expect everyone to know.

I often do not know either.

But not knowing is not a pass that transfers the problem to the next person. It is the starting point of investigation.

Before asking for an answer, try to produce movement. Bring a clearer question. Bring evidence. Bring a provisional explanation. Bring the result of a safe test. Bring options and a recommendation.

Then ask for the part you genuinely cannot supply yourself.

The goal is not to become someone who never asks for help.

It is to become someone who can move a problem forward before asking another person to move it for you.